After quite a stimulative day yesterday one of the things the group I was with talked about is fidelity in a relationship. It started as an outcry from a girl towards the men of the group on why are we such primitive pigs that we have to ruin everything nice by cheating.
When I asked her where does she thinks fidelity sprouts from, she couldn't really answer because she knew that romantic love didn't prevent her from looking around.
So, I explained... In bite size thoughts, of course.
~Fidelity comes from fulfillment of needs and from the dynamic energy that needs to be felt by both of those in the relationship.
Fulfillment of needs: If you partner fulfills all or more then someone else of your basic needs (mental and intellectual, physical and sexual, social and status) you really won't have a reason to look around with nothing else but the corner of your eyes (looking isn't cheating, it's just not polite when you are with your partner). If something doesn't satisfy your basic level in some of those fields, you will be looking for someone that might will.
This fact does have a subsection that I shall call marketing.
If your partner presents false values to you that he/she doesn't have and you sniff that out you will deep inside feel scammed and will be more swift to break the fidelity idea into thousands of little pieces.
Ever changing energy: Change is constant, progress isn't. If you don't show an ability to change (preferably for the better) your partner will feel that and the energy of passion and love will just vanish over time and you will find each other just sitting in a coffee shop without anything to tell each other - and not in a "no words are needed" romantic way - just sitting there and being bored of each other.
After saying that to the most noisy girl, I asked her - So when you felt this faults from your partners, did you cheat on them. After an affirmative answer, I responded with another question - Is it possible that you gave out that vibe to the partners that left or cheated on you?
The rest is not important. Only these two fact and questions are.
Your thoughts?
8 comments:
Why, oh why, didn't I participate in that conversation when I had a chance? :)
I think fidelity is fairness - if your partner doesn't fulfill your needs, you should leave him and THEN look for a different partner, not drag the relationship along when it's not working.
D. You were sitting about a meter from us when we talked about this :D and we even talked about it when we got out of that place ;)
Also, what comes first, infidelity or breakup... We know what should happen, but we also know what usually does happen.
great read and many good points made.
It all depends on the promises you made in a relationship. Making dozens of promises while knowingly know that your partner is incapable of fulfulling some of your basic needs, yet the reason why you don't want to break up with her based on those facts, is because you don't want to appear like an asshole. Being a known asshole nowadays is very damaging to your reputation and might lead you in being called as a player, which we all try to avoid, that's why we play along until the other party can't stand it or until someone cheats.
I know, I know! I was otherwise occupied ;) I hope that wasn't my last chance!
Infidelity shouldn't come at all.
my last relations where all open ones
Dootzkie my dear, I agree with you on the whole fullfillment of needs idea but I also believe a lot of men and women although getting everything they need from a partner tend to stray or cheat if you will becuase they get bored. People do not like routine, people like excitement. I think the majority of the reason people cheat is becuase they are bored which leads back to change...people tend to change as years pass so what may have been fulfilling for them before becomes less fullfilling. Alot of people also confuse love for lust and once the lust has worn away once again boredom creeps in leading them to want something exciting and different. Although people tend to cheat before leaving or being left after being caught the main reason they chose to cheat rather than to end the relationship is because they have become comfortable and used to their partner regardless if they are bored, they know what to expect and dont want to start completely over with someone else.
That is true in theory, but there are some people who can't avoid to see the grass always greener on the other side.
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